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Stella Star stories
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~ Monday, May 26
Movin' on up Stella has left the building. The new and improved Stella Star Stories is found here. Don't forget to add it to your favourites! Bon voyage! ~ Wednesday, May 21
Girly playlist Amy Jo Johnson - Puddle of Grace Dilba - Every Little Thing Vanessa Carlton - Ordinary Day Heather Nova - Nothing Heals Me Like You Do Amanda Marshall - Fall from Grace India Arie - Video Jennifer Love Hewitt - Barenaked Tori Amos - Cornflake Girl Michelle Branch - Everywhere We're back We, then, being yours truly but more importantly Cold Feet too. It's back on TV4 (for you Swedish viewers), they'll be showing the final season on Tuesdays at 22.30. Yay! I love that show! I hope they'll rerun all the previous seasons as well. I have been in bed for three days but getting up this morning (okay, more like lunch time) I actually feel a lot better. And that's a good thing since I have all kinds of stuff to get done before the end of the term. There's an essay for Narrative class, finishing my portfolio for Creative Writing, doing the C-essay seminars and getting those little things done that I have pushed in front of me and tried to forget, but still have to be handed in in order for me to get out of the course. Feels good to see an end to it, but at the same time I know I will miss studying. Especially when those long weeks at work kick in. It's one thing to be there part-time, sitting in my little office by myself, but as soon as the regular receptionist leaves for vacation I am left responsible for everything... Nothing makes me so set on studying as those weeks, though, so I'm happy. I seem to be happy most of the time now. Or, my version of happy which is having a calm and stable mood, not indulging in feelings of irritation or panic. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there. ~ Sunday, May 18
Coming down with something... Or actually, I am already sick. Damn it. I had such a lucky streak there for a while after the disaster that was my body this winter. Well, well. My man spent all of last week in bed with a sore throat and a runny nose, so I guess it was just a matter of time before it hit me too. The smart thing would probably be to keep a safety distance when he's sick - but he's simply irresistable. I can't keep my hands and mouth off him. I'll get back to the couch now (Matrix is back from the commercial break) and try to get better soon, I have too much to do these last few weeks of school to be under for long. If I'm not here for a while - you know why. ~ Thursday, May 15
Dandelion Such a beautiful name for a flower so close to the ground. Saw the first ones yesterday. It's a bittersweet sighting since I know that too soon they will be white instead of sun yellow, carried away on the breath of a school boy or girl. Only three weeks more from now and lilacs will bloom. As I walk by, first day wearing sandals, on my way to my little brother's last day of school, the smell will fill me with a silent joy ready to burst. The children's voices will as usual leave much to ask but they will bring tears to my eyes nevertheless. I'll see my old teachers in the crowd and count how many years it's been since it was me and my pals in that classroom, hugging the teacher goodbye one by one. Afterwards, the kids out of their best clothes and out again to play, me and mom will have a glass of cool white wine in the kitchen. Maybe a photo album, or just some talking. The only thing that will bother me about the smoke is that I will be dying to have a cigarette myself. But I won't. I only smoke on new year's eve. And that will be a long way away. Reading summer Hi guys! I need your help. As it turns out I will have quite a few weeks this summer working part time (only three 40h ones!) and actually three consecutive weeks of vacation. This wonderful arrangement will not only earn me enough money to get through the summer, it will also leave me a lot of time to write. And time to read, and that is where I need you. It would be really great to get your tips on books that you wouldn't want anyone to miss, I know you all have your favourites. So please - drop me a comment and I figure I'll have a nice reading list for the summer! Thanks! ~ Wednesday, May 14
Better equipped? I'm really trying to focus on the important things in life right now. It's about time, I guess. There just isn't enough time for anger and irritation. Sounding like a cliché? Well, what else do we have? I have spent my life being angry and afraid instead of being happy and having fun. There has been something chasing me, from the inside as well as the outside. I remember coming home in the evening when I was twelve, thirteen, fourteen. If the key to the street door jammed - he'd be in. If it slid in the lock and turned easily, he'd still be in the garage. Fixing people's cars. People he owed money. Drinking beer. Being not-home. If the key slid in I could go up the elevator without having to wonder that much about how much smoke I smelled of, about how my speech would sound before I hid in my room. I put the key in the front door and walked in. And then I saw his shoes. ~ Tuesday, May 13
Quickie Messed up my right hand through a two hour ironing session. I'm writing quickly and briefly incase it gives up on me entirely. I can feel it go...the blues in the background speeds me up...just a little bit...there's Jimi now...just one more...and then... Light falling through the woodwork, in volumes like rain. ...and the music stops. ~ Monday, May 12
My day Even though - or maybe because - I was away till two last night copying my secondary material at Stefan's job (I told you about my middle name...) I have been feeling really speeded and happy today. Maybe this has shone through to people because they have all been so helpful. It started this morning when the guy in the shop couldn't accept my Maestro card (I know. I have to get a Visa, but there is just never time, is there?), but was glad to give me my busscard anyway with the promise of my coming in to pay him when I got back home. Saved me about 80 bucks - which I didn't have with me anyway. Later in the day I was happily, unstoppably, talking and laughing away in a group session for my narrative course. I hope I was at least coherent. Sorry Bo, too little sleep (four hours) and too much coffee (about three cups). Still standing, remarkably enough, I proceeded to the library to borrow a book. When I wasn't able to get the help-yourself-machine to work, I stood in the long line to get the book out the old-fashioned way. The girl at the counter looked surprised at me as I gave her the book, 'But this is a literary work in its original language! And it has a white tag on the inside cover'. 'Oh really', I thought, 'how perceptive of you'. She continued to inform me that they do not let you take these white-tagged books with you, but she would make an exception and let me have it anyway. What a nice girl! I think it all has to do with the new way in which I am slowly but surely starting to view myself. Anger is usually such a big part of me, always right there beneath the surface. However, being aware of it and actually willing to change, it becomes much easier to deal with life. Like on the bus home. I had with me a heavy back-pack and a big bag of groceries. I was thirsty, and finally starting to feel the effects of last night. A baby started crying as we pulled out from Gullmarsplan and didn't stop until he and his mom got off. One stop before mine. The thing is that I could actually control my feelings. It suddenly seemed much more important to be in a good mood coming home to my darling than playing my own personal martyr, going over and over again in my mind how uncomfortable the situation was making me. More progress - Yey! Tomorrow I'll write about something that happened today involving a person that wasn't so helpful... Gotta go to bed (couch) now before I fall off my chair. Goodnight! She aims, she shoots, she scores! The wretched thing is out of my hands. Although I haven't really scored a grade yet - there is still the horror of the defence seminar - it felt good to know that it won't be breathing down my neck for another week. Although I realize that the handing in of a c-essay doesn't come even near the importance of for example Jill's recent accomplishment, I was told today by one of the teachers (who defended his thesis last year) that he was actually more nervous about his c-essay than he was about his thesis. So I do not need to hesitate when I tell myself that it is alright to be freaked out and bitch about it in public. Really. Session with a novelist Carlo Dellonte had a session with us CW students today which was great! He focused mostly on show/tell and how the publishing process works. It was clear that he had spent quite some time preparing for us; showing examples to everything he talked about, etc. He shared his experiences and knowledge generously, going into detail about his own work process and what he finds important to think about when writing. I think I took about four pages of notes - the useful things he had to convey kept coming out of his mouth (and, of course, I tend to be able to take things in easier by seeing them in writing than by just hearing them, funny how that works...). Dellonte was really giving away what Jon likes to call "golddust" - and distributing it quite generously too. ~ Saturday, May 10
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